EV Rider

I was takin a trip to Californ-ay-yay
Electrically glidin’ in my Chevrolet
Streamin’ awesome music to MyLink from my iPhone,

Just as I crossed the Mississippi line
One tire pressure reading began to decline
And I knew that left rear tire was about to go

I called OnStar. I didn’t get uptight
But there wasn’t a charging station in sight
So I just asked them to guide me to a place to park

I went as far as they said and when I stopped the car
It was right in front of this little bar
A kind of a red-neck lookin joint called the Dew Drop Inn

I pulled my charger from out of the back
And told the bartender that I had a flat
And would he be kind enough to let me charge in his lot?

There was one thing I was sure proud to see
And that was Fox News wasn’t playin’ on his TV
But he just looked disgusted and pointed toward the outlet spot

OnStar called up the station down the road a ways
And I guess they were a little bit busy that day
It surprised me when they showed up in 90 minutes or so

The guy said,” Now, you can’t charge very fast like that!”
And I didn’t bother to tell the darn fool
That I sure as hell didn’t have anyplace else to charge

So I went inside and sat down at the bar
When some guy walked in and said, “Who owns this car
With the extension cord hangin’ out of a very small door?”

He looked at me and I swelled with pride
And I decided that I’d take him outside
Show him my Volt and tell him what that cord is for

Just when I thought I’d enlighten him
These 5 hillbillies come a’strollin in
One of ’em proudly wearin’ a cap with the logo of BP

I was almost to the door when the biggest one
Said, “You can’t charge for free, this is ‘Merica, son!”
And what he’d said made my emotions begin to seethe

Now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight
About Iraq, the Middle East, and if it was right
To invade other countries just to keep our gasoline

They all stood there gawkin’ and I felt kinda sick
And I knew I better think of something pretty quick
So I just got out my iPhone to show ’em MSNBC

Now they let out a yell that’d curl yer hair
But before they could move I grabbed me a chair
And said “Don’t tune in to Rush cause he’s a thoroughly dangerous man!”

“You may not know it but that man just lies.
He’s a undercover agent for the “Illateri”
And he broadcasts here to destroy all the good that he can!”

He’s uneducated on any subject you please
And I’ll bet he’s really funded by the I-ra-qis
And I don’t think that he’ll ever repent

I said, “Would you believe that man has gone as far
As lyin’ through his teeth about electric cars.
And his ‘news’ show’s setting a very bad precedent.”

“Well, he’s a friend of them Wall Street tycoon-type money bags!
I’ll betcha he’ll never have a Greenpeace flag
tacked up on the wall inside of his garage.”

“He’s a snake in the grass, I tell ya guys.
He may look dumb and that’s not a disguise,
But he’s a mastermind in the ways of disparage”

They all started lookin real suspicious and grim
And one of them said “Now just wait a minute, Slim!
I know yer lyin’. Been a fan of Rush all of my life!”

“I’m a faithful follower of Brother John Boehner
So I’m thinkin’ you sure must be a slow learner.
Why I bet yer duller than any old butter knife!”

Then he started saying somethin bout the way I was dressed
But I didn’t wait around to hear the rest
I was too busy moving, realizin’ they didn’t give a f*ck

When I hit the ground I was making tracks
And they were just taking my Volt down off the jacks
So I unplugged the cord, jumped in and fired that mother up

My librarian back home would’ve been so proud
How quiet my Volt was, as I passed that crowd
Coming out the door and headed toward me at a trot

And I guess I should of gone ahead and run
But somehow I just couldn’t resist the fun
Of showing them guys what Sport Mode was all about

Well they headed for their car, but I hit the juice
And spun around and showed that there was no use
In tryin’ to catch me, in my newfangled electric ride

I had them all out there steppin and fetchin
Like their heads was on fire and their asses was catchin
But I figured I’d better split before the cops got there

When I hit the road I was really wheelin’
Had gravel flyin’ but no rubber squeelin’
And I didn’t slow down till I was almost to Arkansas

I think I’m gonna reroute my trip
I wonder if anybody’d think I’d flipped
If I went to San Fran, via Austin, ya’ll!